This week Iâ€™ve focused on the righteous non-smokers (not to be confused with us mere non-smokers), the â€œnew”? Ely market square thatâ€™s sure to look old and the junk we women are intimidated into buying in our never-ending search for youth!
Smoke Gets In Your Eyes
Not only do I not smoke, Iâ€™ve never smoked, ever!
Now, having made such a logical and healthy life choice wouldnâ€™t you think Iâ€™d be one of the loudest advocates of the 100 % smoking ban in public? That I would want all smoking in all places stubbed out? That I would campaign furiously to rid the entire world of the evils of cigarettes?
Well, youâ€™d be wrong.
Iâ€™ve never felt victimised by someone who has decided to smoke.
Since Iâ€™ve never been trapped in a pub, club or restaurant nor forced to sit in the smoking section of any of these public places, Iâ€™ve never felt victimised by someone who has decided to smoke.
And should I enter an establishment that seems a little too hazy with cigarette emissions for my delicate nature, I simply leave. No accosting, no ranting and raving about the ozone layer â€“ oh wait, thatâ€™s air pollution. No feigning offence at a fellow dinerâ€™s idea of relaxation and I donâ€™t feel the need to preach the horrors of secondary smoke inhalation. Similarly, I donâ€™t bore fellow patrons stupid with lectures about alcohol abuse or binge drinking. I donâ€™t feel the need to chastise their dress sense, their choice of vehicles or their predilection for fat women or bald men!
In short, non-smokers, get over yourselves! Find a park to sit in and picnic til the cows come home. Frequent the library and take a flask! If you donâ€™t like the atmosphere, stay home!
The world doesnâ€™t have to be cleansed of all things unhealthy, unpleasant or just down-right daft in order for the righteous to survive â€¦ Hell, if that were the case weâ€™d be a few politicians short of a cabinet, eh?
A New Old Market For Ely
I see the Ely market square is to get a face lift. Anyone want to wager on the â€œnew”? design being a return to the old design? What are the chances that the radical plans involve turning the clock back and giving the market square an â€œold”? new look?
It never fails; the up to date, modern innovative designs are inevitably a blot on the landscape requiring a return to traditional architecture and time-honoured look to bring back the beautyâ€¦ How about in future, we just clean up and repair the old stuff instead of tearing it down!
Getting Old Is Expensive
Is it any wonder that the average female finds herself in despair over constantly battling (and losing to) wrinkles, a big butt and less than lustrous hair?
Within half an hour of television viewing weâ€™re bombarded with enough products to ensure we glisten, gleam and glow for all time. Millions of pounds are spent each year by women in their chase for eternal youth.
Just a little aside here… the adverts that crack me up most are the ones that sell a product where time runs out on its performance.
Is it any wonder we gals have trouble realistically identifying ourselves these days?
You know, the foundation that lasts for up to twelve hours (meaning only for botox users), long lasting lipstick that stays put all day (for those who donâ€™t talk, eat or move their lips), tear proof mascara that doesnâ€™t smudge (and requires lighter fluid to remove) â€¦ I always think, come midnight these broads are going to look as though theyâ€™ve been in a train wreck when their make-up expires! The other advert absurdity is when the superstar promoting a particular shampoo clearly has hair extensions. How does she know what it takes to make it look good â€¦ itâ€™s not her hair!
Anyway, is it any wonder we gals have trouble realistically identifying ourselves these days? We are constantly promised that if we use this shampoo weâ€™ll have hair like Jennifer Pittless. If we use that body lotion we could have skin like Elle McFatremoved! Or the use of this foundation will give you the skin of that ten year old model posing as a full-grown adult. And we fall for it.
Yet, despite buying the firming glop, washing our hair in the shampoo that smells like a green grocer, spending a fortune on the new and improved foundation, we still look like middle-aged, ordinary, run-of-the-mill women. And we still fall for it.
However, the celebrity spokesperson spends upwards of Â£240,000.00 on birthday parties for their dogs â€¦ surgical enhancements are as common to them as buying a pair of sandals.
What the advertisers fail to tell us is that prior to the commercial these icons of beauty have probably had a snip, nip, tuck and fake tan procedure at the weekend! Weâ€™d be lucky if the garbage available to us over the counter makes us look as good as their pooches!